WHAT'S GNU IN MY Zoo...
A few samples taken from my book a book awaiting a very wise publisher. Artist collaborator wanted also.
OF CREATURES WILD
Of the wild animals I have known,
feared and trapped, or loved and bought,
and those I ate when raised full grown
this one lesson they have all taught
the ones you capture, you'll never own.
The slow moving and kindly porcupines
need protection from their woodland foes,
so God covered them with prickly spines
from their stubby tail, clear to their nose.
I've consulted experts in Natural History
for solutions to the riddle I'm thinking of.
With all their prickly quills, this mystery.
How the heck do porcupines make love?
THE IDEAL PET
A houseplant is the perfect pet,
they don't make noise and never poop.
Just give them sun and keep them wet,
since they won't beg, instead they droop
and if they die when you forget,
just dump their bodies in your soup.
Tourists must envy a spider
which never packs suitcase or grip
folding her web so small and neat
she stows that house all insider.
When Spiders hunger on a trip,
any insect can be their treat.
They unpack their web provider
netting bugs for juice they will sip,
because cadavers they don't eat.
Bugs might taste delicious
and be much more nutritious
than many foods we buy in stores.
Gardeners when they lunch
are quite sure to munch
on vagrant bugs who thrive outdoors.
On hooks, we spear worms,
utilizing their squirms
to convince fish to leave their lake.
Which one tastes the best,
we might want to test.
maybe it's worms we should bake.
claim unsightly spiders
make good pets and bug eating friends.
But we feel so icky
touching webs so sticky
and there our bug tolerance ends.
Not pretty as its friend the frog,
since both begin as pollywog
to dwell upon a rock or log,
prepared to feast on bug buffet.
We could not eat int their café
or match their complex DNA.
From eggs they hatch with fish like fin,
but then grow legs, from deep within
with poison warts upon their skin.
Both frogs and Toads lay eggs,
and some folks relish fried frog legs,
but never toads, this gourmet begs.
I'll dig a lake with my sand pail
where I can keep this long nosed whale
that I can catch if I just try
when Narwhales come swimming by.
SWIMMING WITH SHARKS
Don't go swimming with sharks
despite their wide and friendly smile
They think we are easy marks,
and folks as food, are now in style.
Sharks could inhabit water parks
where you might spot their dorsal fin.
They hunt for food in circling arcs.
with napkins strapped beneath their chin.
When humanoids all lived in caves,
Ants had formal social structure,
including queens and even slaves
and controlled their home temperature.
Ants outnumber us, millions to one,
fitting to diverse biospheres.
When mankind's dominance is done,
Ants will survive, and shed no tears.
MY UNGRATEFUL BIRD
My parrot, has a strident croak,
betraying me ungratefully.
It will not curse or crack a joke,
nor whistle or talk or even try,
but It changes color instantly
which gives me cause, for him to die!
My bird turns green fromo crimson red,
faster than most street stop lights do
just hearing lies that someone said.
I am puzzled and angry too,
that pet I reared and kindly fed
will feed me now as parrot stew.
WHO WILL BE GONE FIRST?
Why do Apes stare at us and blink?
Do they think us their missing link?
Or do we just think that they think,
like who will be first to be extinct?
All Alligators I have spied,
seem waiting for something to eat.
Out of mud they stealthily slide
hungrily staring all bugeyed.
Some people wear their lovely hide
as fancy shoes upon their feet.
They'd like our feet in their inside,
they consider man as sweet meat.
Alligators, I have not tried,
as neither shoes or gastric treat.
A simple reason, don't you see,
I never eat what could eat me.
As you watch them flutter by
they would never make you squirm
yet each multi colored butterfly
starts out as just a worm.
One moral here, we must apply,
to look inside each epiderm.
My Aunt was keeper at my zoo.
With Aardvarks there, she turned untrue.
My mad Uncle ate, his wife plate by plate,
and became an Aunteater too.
We could learn from the plodding snail,
that always leaves behind a slimy trail.
This unisex mollusk called a gastropod
always marks the path where it has trod.
Its single foot won't move them very fast,
but you can see where they have passed.
I say, we too leave a marked trail behind,
inquiring descendants can someday find
Picking berries out on the trail,
so engrossed, was our friend Dale,
of the Grizzly Bear
who ate him and emptied his pail.
Praise the paleontologists,
learned men who unerringly create
a skeleton which each insists
is realness we can not debate.
Passed dinosaurs have lost their meat,
leaving lots of fossilized bone.
Do guesses make them complete,
no skeleton gaps left unknown?
Does imagination help them know
the entity they would restore
and where each piece of bone should go
to make their ancient dinosaur?
When monkeys stare at us and blink
do they know we're their missing link,
or do we just suspect they think?
Do we look strange without a tail?
Did evolution somehow fail,
putting short tails on just the male?
WHEN GOLDFISH WINK
You never see a goldfish cry
since their tears in water are hid.
You never see them blink their eye,
they do not have a real eye lid.
So if your fish should ever die,
it's quite hard to tell that it did.
Each platypus is a wondrous creature
whose offspring hatch from eggs they lay
which they nurse in the conventional way.
Their duck-like bill seems their strangest feature
You can't call this wingless guy a bird,
for like most mammals, it's skin is furred.
For the zoologist this strange impeacher
with swimming fins where legs should be,
sounds fictitious or anonymous to me.
This next effort tries to explain why shoes might be justifiably called Crocs...
LEFTY' S CROCS
Our zoo once had one crocodile,
that was captured on the upper Nile
but moped all day, and would not smile,
in fact, he would not even eat,
the very choicest cuts of meat..
His keeper feared that beast would die,
checked other zoos, what should he try?
Was there some tonic he should buy?
They all agreed, that crocs need meat
but raw and live, is what they eat.
A hand held treat they want from you,
a surplus morsel from your zoo,
most anything that's live will do..
A hand held mouse was served as treat
and finally that crock did eat.
But what it ate was sure unplanned,
that reptile ate his keeper's hand,
a tragedy keepers understand.
We skinned that Crock and tanned his hide
for Lefty's shoes, he wears with pride.
(Since this was mean and gruesome too, all feeding by hand is banned at our zoo!)
IF YOU CAN DO BETTER, PLEASE POST ME AT Bosacker@aol.com
. I have eighty but room for a few more...Fair payment arranged. Books to be printed at Lulu, shortly, so hurry! I Do need an illustrator, also.
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