ADRIFT

When slanting sail slumps slack, why blame the wayward breeze

that hears not curse or prayer.

You chose the course and tack, and begged the God of Seas

to send you clement air.

Who said that sturdy gale, would straight and constant last

while fickle sea you roam.

Was it wind who dared you sail, in seas that calmed too fast,

to see you quickly home?

I AM SUPER GUEST

I love to party but I'm depressed 

since  invitations seldom come.

Don't people know I'm super guest,

and hardly ever,  troublesome.

***

Learned decorum from the start,

my house breaking really shows.

I say excuse me when I fart

and turn my head,  to pick my nose.

***

In groups, I listen so polite

and laugh at jokes, I've heard before.

When parties drag into the night

though I might nap,  I never snore.

***

At meals, I always clean my plate

and use my saucer when I smoke.

I tell the cook, the food was great,

not reason why, I gag and choke.

***

At weddings,  I bring down the house,

my parodies of brides are great!

In Church, I'm quiet as a mouse

snitching bucks from the offering plate.

***

At functions  where the fancy meet,

I always clap, should someone sing.

I help them out, clap out the beat,

or teach the band the way to swing.

*** 

If  you would  plan a grand soiree

with no amusements planned as yet,

I will attend and make the day

one all your guests will not forget!

THE REASON FOR GRITS

There are few foods, that I don't like and there are some

that don't like me.

Fried grits inspire a hunger strike and my stomach

will sure agree.

All through the south, this tasteless corn comes with

a fried or scrambled egg.

You might request, this mash, to scorn but it still comes

unless you beg.

I found out why, good corn they waste to swamp their plates

with hominy grits.

Since they don't have a bit of taste, they scoot right through

in unused bits.

THIS BOOK IS AVAILABLE AS AN e-book AT BARNESAND NOBLE@BN.COM

 

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